Mind Over Matter

Rules of engagement

2011-05-07T12:54:00.000+01:00

Push...
...Pull.

Give...
...Take.

Let...
...Live.

Let...

                            ...Go.

Masquerader

2011-04-29T23:27:00.000+01:00

I'm sorry.
You've mistaken me
for someone, who
knows what's going on
someone, who
knows how to play the game.
Alas!
I do not even know
what game it is we're meant to be playing.
I am but an actor.
It is the only thing I'm good at -
pretending.
Pretending that life is good
that I am in control.
What a façade!

You see me as a giant
a shining star in the pitch black sky
illuminating the universe.
If only you knew
how I see myself.
A small fry
a firefly
light fading
with every passing moment
soon to be forgotten
soon to be gone
shrivelled on the floor
a disgrace.

This masquerade.
The longer I play
the better I get
and the more I fear being
found out.

Cravings

2011-03-30T20:48:00.000+01:00

do you know
what it's like
to crave
company
and solitude

all in one
gut wrenching
agonising
never-ending
moment?

I do.

That familiar feeling

2010-05-05T13:02:00.000+01:00

That familiar feeling
the taste
of salty tears
and broken dreams
of failure
of loneliness
of spiralling down
into oblivion
a blip on the radar
of everything
and everyone
No one.
No sense
Nonsense
Desperation
Helplessness
That familiar feeling
of life.

Untitled II

2009-09-16T01:37:00.000+01:00

With every breath I'm drawn towards you,
to azure skies and golden sands
I'm tempted by your promise
of contentment

With every breath I hear the warning
of shattered dreams and broken hearts
I'm disheartened by your air
of nonchalance

With every breath my head is clouded
by 'what if's, 'why's, 'why not's
I'm troubled by this feeling
of uncertainty

With every breath the clock ticks louder
contemplating, tossing coins
I'm risking losing my own slice
of paradise.

I will not conform

2009-05-13T17:21:00.004+01:00

I will not conform
to your archaic ideals
textbook values
fairytale romances
assembly line style
pigeon-holed personas

My life will not be a list of tick boxes

I am human
I am woman
I am me.

I will find my way
On grazed hands
and bloodied knees
I will forge my own path
I will find my home.

I will NOT conform.

The Scent of You

2009-04-28T13:52:00.001+01:00

The scent of you
draws me in
I am blind but it matters not.
I willingly succumb to your innocent charms
your smile, your touch, your infectious laugh.
But most of all
the scent of you.

The scent of you
wishing it were real
I ignore my better judgement.
A heady mix of lust and longing
serves my desire and feeds my soul.
I need nothing
but the scent of you.

The scent of you
lingers on
Gone is the dream but I'm still here.
My heart is bruised, my mind is scarred
Alone, afraid, back at square one.
Left with nothing
save the scent of you.

The Power of Hindsight

2009-04-12T00:28:00.002+01:00

You looked at me
In a way that could only mean one thing
And for the first time
I was alive!

My heart was pounding
Awakening the very depths of my being
To the beautiful reality
Of this dream come true.

. . .

If only I had known
That the first time would also be the last
Would I have saved myself?

Probably not.

I don't need you

2009-03-30T00:51:00.000+01:00

I don't need you
to feel whole.
I am whole.

I will not compromise
my ideals
for one dream with you.

It may be good. It may be bad.
It may be forgettable.
I don't care.

I don't need you
to feel whole.
I am whole.

Some days

2009-02-25T12:35:00.000Z

Some days, the cogs won't turn.
The muscles won't work.
The limbs won't move.

The sun won't shine.
The clouds won't clear.
The rain won't cease.

The sounds won't soothe.
The words won't come.
Nothing makes sense.

Today is one of those days.

An ode to second chances

2008-10-07T19:39:00.015+01:00

Find it in your heart
...to take a risk
To have faith in those who have failed you
...in those who need more time
In those who have lost their way
...in those who know they can do better.

Find it in your heart
...to give them a second chance
They might not be worth it
...but then again, they might.

The Breakup

2005-06-03T21:36:00.000+01:00

We died today.
The light that woke me
every day
no longer shines in your eyes.
The smile on your face
is replaced by a blank
no likes, no needs, no wants

The bubble has burst
the truth is out
aeons of dreams
shattered

You gather your things
leave your key on the bed
a sense of doom fills the air

No words spoken
No gazes shared
I stand in the doorway
and watch you go

Out of my embrace
Out of my home
Out of my life
but not out of my dreams

The coffee is cold
it sits on the table
as lonely as I

We died today.
you may live again
in another life.
I will remain a corpse
my love for you
stained on my weathered skin

How, When, Why...

2005-03-30T19:53:00.000+01:00

Where are we now?
I don't know this place
This isn't where I thought we'd be
today.

How did we get here?
I must have been asleep
I wonder who brought us here
today.

Why did we move?
I liked where we were
I wish we could have been there
today.

Who made us leave?
They should have let us be
Then we wouldn't have to be here
today.

Why are we here?
Is this where you want to be?
I'm not sure I like it here
today.

What are we doing here?
You look like you're enjoying yourself
I guess I could try that too
today.

When will we have to leave?
I'm too tired to move
Maybe we can rest here
today.

Perfect Morning

2005-03-30T01:11:00.000+01:00

It is morning.
I am awakened by birds
Whistling love songs
outside my window.

I smile.
Visions of a perfect evening
flash before my eyes.
Could I be dreaming?

I breathe in.
The air that fills my lungs
is laden with your scent.
I am mesmerised.

I turn.
You lie beside me
in peaceful dreams.
My day is made.

Untitled

2005-03-29T19:51:00.000+01:00

Let me find you in the dark
Let me reach out and touch your hand
I want to keep you lying here
...next to me

Let me rub my feet against yours
Let me rest my head on your chest
I want to feel your heart beating
...next to me

Let me taste the salt on your lips
Let me see the light in your eyes
I want to hear you breathing
...next to me

Let the sheets entangle us
Let beads of sweat collide
I want to have you always
...next to me

Let me be captive to your love
Let me be slave to your dreams
I want to live my life with you
...next to me

Say Something

2005-03-07T19:50:00.000Z

He gazed, spellbound
as evidence of sunrise streamed through the curtains
and rested on her face
illuminating her hazel eyes
making them sing and dance
like pixies in an enchanted forest
giving her light brown hair a hint of red
reminding him
of the splendour of autumn
her tender skin, so pure
glowing in the morning light
so bright
she could be the sun itself.

If only he could make her smile
if only he could bring an end
to the incessant flow of tears from those pixie eyes
wells of sadness overflowing
oh! how he wished he could take away her pain

"Say something" she whispered
taking his hand
her kind smile
melting his heart
he wanted to touch her
to hold her
to tell her how much
he loved her

"Say something Daddy!!!" she screamed
breaking down the walls
that guarded her emotions
her smile gone
only anguish left
but alas! he could not
the demon inside his mind would not let him speak
oh! how he wished he could break free from these chains

Unable to endure the sadness
on his young daughter's face
he looked away
and stared blankly at the machines
that kept him alive

Or did they?

Died of a Broken Heart...

2005-03-06T19:50:00.000Z

Died of a broken heart
they said.
But they were wrong.

It was all his fault
they said.
But they were wrong.

If not, then what?
they asked.
Can you guess?

It was love that killed her
Cupid’s arrow had sunk deep
and would not come out.

It wasn’t that her heart was broken.
It wasn’t that he didn’t love her.
She just loved him too much.
That’s all.

Selfless? or Selfish?

2005-03-06T19:48:00.000Z

Sink your teeth into my heart
Go on, bite it
I dare you

How does it taste?

Show me how you feel
Do you want me?
Do you need me?
Do you care?

Am I but a play thing?
Someone, or something, to pass the time
You’ll get bored soon enough
And move on
In search of a new toy

Do I care?
Probably not
The warmth of your touch
The melody of your voice
Satisfies me
Almost.

Reflections of a Working Girl

2005-03-06T19:07:00.000Z

Home at last.
She stares at her toes
hollow-eyed.
As the warm water
bathes her hair and
trickles down her back,
cleansing her skin

She picks at the dirt on her body
In her body
In her mind.
How did it happen?
She ponders
What happened to innocence?
The little girl
playing games in the garden
with her brothers and sisters

She plays different games now
Innocence died
Along with the flowers
In the garden.

Maybe this will all change
One day
she’ll be happy
Her body will be her own
And her mind will be free

But for now
She counts up the fruits of her labour
Takes off her make up and
Crawls into bed
Still feeling just a little bit dirty

My Senseless Senses

2001-02-14T14:42:00.000Z

I see the fighting
I see the flames
I see the corpses
Yet I do nothing

I hear the bombs
I hear the stories
I hear the cries
Yet I do nothing

I smell the gunpowder
I smell the blood
I smell the disease
Yet I do nothing

I taste the vulnerability
I taste the torture
I taste the injustice
Yet I do nothing

I feel the anger
I feel the hate
I feel the pain
Yet I do nothing

I have all my senses
Plus a sixth that queries
If human nature is to react to one’s senses
Am I truly human?

Hope...

1999-02-14T14:45:00.000Z

Stepping out from the darkness
I see a dazzling light
So bright that I want to
Hide in my own shadow
But wait! The haze is clearing
And I can see what lies ahead.
A celestial rainbow
So breathtaking, so pure
A vibrant spectrum
Of man’s hopes and dreams
The road to tranquility
And all good that we desire.
Could this really be
The path to prosperity?
Has the moment finally come
For us to realize the pot of gold?
Can this dawning era
Save a perishing human race?
What can be done
To rescue hope from oblivion?
How can we attain
All we perceive as righteous?
What must we do
To save this species from extinction?
Let us unite in harmony
As brothers and sisters
Let us chorus with pride
Our common identity
Let us walk the rainbow
To a resplendent future.
And then we will hear
The doves of peace
Then we will see
The promised land
And then we can mould
A golden era for us all.

The Final Over

1997-11-07T14:43:00.000Z

The final over of the match
And our last man is in
Do you think with a crazy chance
That we can possibly win?

The team has sent its worthy bowler
Now he’s running in fast
Can we elude this defeating shadow
That we ourselves have cast?

The leather ball in all its glory
Hits a blazing bat
And meets our team’s die-hard supporters
Would you look at that?

The umpire lifts his hands up high
And signals a mighty six
Do you think that this young man
Can dig us out of this fix?

The greatest batsman in the world
Is now on ninety-nine
One more run and he can say
“Another century is mine!”

But alas, his day is not to be
For the bowler takes his wicket
And so we lose, but still we love
That fabulous game called cricket.

Love Me Son - A Mother's Plea

1997-11-02T14:36:00.001Z

Love me son, make not my heart cry
For I have bled long enough,
Reminiscing the joy as I nurtured your future
Like a diamond in the rough.

You shattered my hopes through a quest for peace
In an island torn to pieces,
A perfectionist, who, when ironing his shirts
Tried to rid them of all the creases.

I dreamt of a mansion, a fancy car
A wife, two kids and a dog,
But my visions of you, a doctor or judge
Have all sunken deep in the fog.

And now here you are, in a casket of wood
So handsome in your attire,
The regiment folk that were your friends
Will carry you to your pyre.

You and your father, in thoughts and fate alike
By turmoil were disgusted,
So you went to hunt the savage beast
And in turn became the hunted.

I pray for you, my only one
In rebirth, be not a soldier,
I cannot bear to lose you again
A tragedy in the eyes of the beholder.

Your assassin, I know, may well be saved
By the dreaded cyanide pill,
But if I come with that two-legged demon
I’ll crush him, I swear I will.

Love me son, dare not leave me now
For I have lived for your life, not mine,
But if you must go, please take me with you
To live in a land so divine.