Masquerader

I'm sorry.
You've mistaken me
for someone, who
knows what's going on
someone, who
knows how to play the game.
Alas!
I do not even know
what game it is we're meant to be playing.
I am but an actor.
It is the only thing I'm good at -
pretending.
Pretending that life is good
that I am in control.
What a façade!

You see me as a giant
a shining star in the pitch black sky
illuminating the universe.
If only you knew
how I see myself.
A small fry
a firefly
light fading
with every passing moment
soon to be forgotten
soon to be gone
shrivelled on the floor
a disgrace.

This masquerade.
The longer I play
the better I get
and the more I fear being
found out.

Cravings

do you know
what it's like
to crave
company
and solitude

all in one
gut wrenching
agonising
never-ending
moment?


I do.

That familiar feeling

That familiar feeling
the taste
of salty tears
and broken dreams
of failure
of loneliness
of spiralling down
into oblivion
a blip on the radar
of everything
and everyone
No one.
No sense
Nonsense
Desperation
Helplessness
That familiar feeling
of life.

Untitled II

With every breath I'm drawn towards you,
to azure skies and golden sands
I'm tempted by your promise
of contentment

With every breath I hear the warning
of shattered dreams and broken hearts
I'm disheartened by your air
of nonchalance

With every breath my head is clouded
by 'what if's, 'why's, 'why not's
I'm troubled by this feeling
of uncertainty

With every breath the clock ticks louder
contemplating, tossing coins
I'm risking losing my own slice
of paradise.

I will not conform

I will not conform
    to your archaic ideals
          textbook values
                fairytale romances
                      assembly line style
                            pigeon-holed personas

My life will not be a list of tick boxes

I am human
                          I am woman
                I am me.

I will find my way
On grazed hands
and bloodied knees
I will forge my own path
I will find my home.

I will NOT conform.

I don't need you

I don't need you
to feel whole.
I am whole.

I will not compromise
my ideals
for one dream with you.

It may be good. It may be bad.
It may be forgettable.
I don't care.

I don't need you
to feel whole.
I am whole.

Some days

Some days, the cogs won't turn.
The muscles won't work.
The limbs won't move.

The sun won't shine.
The clouds won't clear.
The rain won't cease.

The sounds won't soothe.
The words won't come.
Nothing makes sense.

Today is one of those days.

An ode to second chances

Find it in your heart
          ...to take a risk
To have faith in those who have failed you
          ...in those who need more time
In those who have lost their way
          ...in those who know they can do better.

Find it in your heart
          ...to give them a second chance
They might not be worth it
          ...but then again, they might.